life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She announced her abortion via fbk
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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