the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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