Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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