Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
