Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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