Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize