i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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