So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
