How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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