My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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