She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
