I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
