I was born with a shot glass in my hand
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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