I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
