Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
