its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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