If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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