I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
