True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm too high and old for this...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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