so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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