I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
