Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You are the jesus of drinking
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
