you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
