he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
