I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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