Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Who died my cat blue again?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
