there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
