Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
