dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
