hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
