I just pynch a tree in the face
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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