dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
