my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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