His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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