worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
