a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
