Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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