too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
