What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
