why didn't you poke me back
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize