I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
