i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
