Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
