just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am available for nakedness
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
