Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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