the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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