He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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