She said her name was "party"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
