I molested 6 butterflies tonight
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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