dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
