you traded sex for a burrito?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
