i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
