i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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