Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
