turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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