If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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