First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
