your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Someone signed my nipple.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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