According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
