i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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