good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
