The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
