Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
