ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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