I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
