So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
