I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
