Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
