She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
