I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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