I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
