pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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