hell yes lets make some ravioli
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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