ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
