Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We left an ass print on the piano.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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