Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
