he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
