sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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