this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He shit in the fireplace
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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