fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the day after is always just damage control
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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